Fitness Jokes...

Just been to the gym and theres a new machine there, I only used it for about an hour as I started to feel sick! But its great, its got kitkats, mars bars, crisps and everything in it...

Lol thats awesome!

I went to the gym the other day and it was really cold so I did dumbell "pullovers"

I entered a Marathon last weekend..

Got fed up of getting all the Peanuts stuck behind my Foreskin though..

Lol thats awesome!

Got to keep this thread going!

This joke is a tad rude -

Little Johnny asks his dad for a telly in his room. He reluctantly agrees. Neat day Johnny comes downstairs and asks
'Dad what is love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Johnny all about sex.
Johnny sits there with mouth open in amazement.
Dad says 'so what were you watching?'
Johnny replies 'Tennis'.

A bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says "What a great chest you have." The bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite."

He takes off his pants and the woman says "What massive calves you have", the bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite".

He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He finally catches up to her and asks her why she ran out of the apartment.

The woman replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse you have."

LOL

Are you intimating bodybuilders have small willies Fair Singer ????!!!! The guys on steroids have small balls certainly due to decreased natural testosterone production but Natural bodybuilders like Taz and I are blessed with massive equipment in this area !

I was in the gym today performing a set of reps and all of a sudden I heard a loud buzzing sound. I wondered what on earth was going on until I realised and it all became clear.........

I had been doing dumbell FLYES !!!!

(Is that the worst gag ever lol!!!

[quote:013c="Garthy"]LOL

Are you intimating bodybuilders have small willies Fair Singer ????!!!! The guys on steroids have small balls certainly due to decreased natural testosterone production but Natural bodybuilders like Taz and I are blessed with massive equipment in this area ! [/quote]

I'll have to take your word for that!!!

I was in the gym yesterday and it was really cold so I did dumbell "Pullovers" and it warmed me up!

Q: Why did the English invent so many sports?

A: They've been trying to find one they can win at.



While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand
new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong
to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing,
waiting for the lights to change.

A Blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I
had tennis elbow once."



Never date a tennis player; to them love means nothing.

Twelve of the finest double-entendres that were
Aired on British TV & Radio.

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is a really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford Crew."

5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday."

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

13. "The Batsman Holding, the bowlers willey" Brian Johnston stating the bowler Michael Hodling and the batsman Peter Willey in a test cricket match

14. "well Botham just couldn't get his leg over there" Brian Johnston when Ian Botham stood on his wicket after trying to step over them facing a fast bouncer.

Fantastic post lol!!!

Keep them coming fair singer!!!

Excellent work fair singer!!!

lol, short fuse, funny.

I thought she ran off because he pumped himself up down there with roids and it's bulging like that guy with exploding arms.

[quote:1e62="Naddybikini"]lol, short fuse, funny.

I thought she ran off because he pumped himself up down there with roids and it's bulging like that guy with exploding arms.[/quote]

Yes - Greg Valentino lol!!!! What a charactar he is, his arms look bloody awful!

Whats the time difference between here and Canada? I notice you post very early in the morning our time! I will have to get the forum members to wake up early one day so they can reply to your posts in real time!

The Prime Minister is lying on a psychiatrist's couch.

PM. But doctor this is really troubling me. I find myself every day lying more and more to the people of the country. They elected me for my honesty and truth how can I live with myself after doing this?

Doc. Prime Minister do not worry yourself too much, everybody lies even my dog lies to me.

PM. Your dog lies to you, I thought dogs were a creature of honesty and integrity?

Doc. Ah, no. This is a common misconception. Every morning my dog gets up greets me likes his tail grabs his head against my leg and tries to convince me to feed him. This on his part is purely a matter of survival. He could not tell if it was me if he could see me.

PM. Your dog cannot see you?

Doc. No it is a very sad case we got him from a dog rescue home. Shortly after we got him he was run over by a car. We had to take him to the vet and get his leg amputated. As a result of this he fell over in the garden and tore off one of his ears. Later in an incident involving a terrorist he was blown up and shot at which blinded him. When he was at the vets being cared for he was given the wrong drugs and is poisoned him as a result he had to have his testicles removed. So you see he does not know who I am but for him lying is a matter of survival.

PM. So you are telling me that you have a dog that has been run over, blown up, shot at, poisoned, mutilated and castrated?

Doc. Yes, in fact we like him so much we named him after your political party.

PM. You call your dog liberal socialist party?

Doc. No we call him lucky!




Swap the names and identities and you can use this for any politician or political party in the world

Can I work in with you?” - Translation: “Can I remove all your weights and sweat all over your bench?”

Lol thats awesome!

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hi,
nice comments...

Is it true.....